I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
