Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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