I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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