we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
