All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
