i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
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tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
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You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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