he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My ATM looks so different sober.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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