just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize