Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
