I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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