The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
