i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
