Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
