Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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