Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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