even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
