i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
