think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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