Are we in a gay sports bar?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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