You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
