Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize