I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my being single is dangerous.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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