I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
