tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
