Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
