i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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