Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
