New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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