I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
