if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
