she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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