i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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