I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Randomize
