dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
