Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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