So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
