I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
