i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
