Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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