My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
