yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
