the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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