I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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