This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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