I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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