Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
