I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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