I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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