so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So much Jack, so little girl.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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