So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
