im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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