how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize