what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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