I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
