i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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