Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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