A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
