Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
