I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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