so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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