I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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