Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She bit a glass in half.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
