Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
