I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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