I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
