4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
