your room smells of hookers.
And success
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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