I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
