This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
