it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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