should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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