ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
